Why honesty is always best!
Here at Relationship Counselling Ashford we understand that one of the most common problem couples face when they come along for couples counselling face is simply a lack of communication along with an avoidance of being honest. Many people report that they choose not to say what is bothering them within their relationship, either through a fear of conflict or a concern about upsetting the other person. However, hiding your feelings doesn’t make them go away, they just get pushed under the carpet and begin to fester. Resentment then starts to build, resulting in the problems becoming much worse in the long run.
Relationship Counselling Ashford will help you understand the importance of taking responsibility for how you express your feelings, rather than attributing blame, that way you pave the way for effective communication and happier relationships.
Take it in turns to listen
Half a conversation is listening…and that means really listening rather than just waiting for your turn to talk again! Let your partner speak and take on board what they say. This will encourage the same in return, resulting in constructive, respectful communication.
You said what?!
The way we say things can dramatically affect how they are received. It’s important to be conscious of this when communicating with anyone, particularly during a disagreement with your partner. A mild misunderstanding can escalate to a full blown argument because of how something is said. Think about how something might be interpreted before you open your mouth.
Don’t get petty
If the conversation starts to go off track, avoid resorting to name calling or bringing up the past. It’s simply not helpful and will quickly put an end to your constructive communication. Even if feel your partner is trying to bait you, do everything you can to rise above it and resist lashing out. They’ll soon get the message that you won’t be engaging in their battle, meaning you can carry on with a respectful conversation.
Relationship Counselling Ashford Tips on Learning to talk
Positive communication and the resolution of issues is much more likely if you follow a few simple rules when you talk:
- Find a time when you are both calm and undistracted. The second they walk through the door or while your partner is watching their favourite TV programme are not a good times to begin an important conversation.
- Think about what you are trying to say before starting to talk so that you are concise and accurate. Then think about the best way to express yourself without being confrontational.
- Be aware of the tone and volume of your voice. Calmness is the key here.
- Talk about how you feel regarding specific things. Phrases such as ‘I need’, ‘I want’ and ‘I feel’ are useful. They are much more likely to get a positive response that accusatory phrases such as ‘you never do this’ or ‘you always do that’. If your partner hears these latter phrases, they are likely to stop listening to you and go into defence mode.
If you would like some professional help on how to communicate more effectively with your partner then contact us at Relationship Counselling Ashford the Relationship Counselling Kent today.
my husband has had an emotional affair and i cant get past it
Hi Alison,
I’m really sorry to hear what has happened. It is very common and also difficult to process and understand.
If you and/or your husband would like to make an appointment to come and talk things through with one of our relationship therapists then please feel free to contact us.
Kind regards
Sian