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Losing a loved one…

Here at couples counselling Maidstone we are fully aware that living and dying are part of our life cycle, but that doesn’t make dealing with death, or fear of death any easier. The reality is that death is the only certainty in life, so it’s good to try and get your head around it.

Grief is the word for the emotions you have when someone you care about dies. It’s different for everyone but common feelings include:

Numbness – especially if the person’s death came as a shock. It can be hard to believe they’re gone. You may act like they’re still alive at first.

Anger – stemming from a feeling that it is wrong or unjust that you have of lost the person you love. Sometimes we even get angry with the person, who died, for leaving us.

Guilt – sometimes people regret the way they acted around the person who has died or even start to blame themselves for their death.

Frustration – someone you care about is gone and there is nothing you can do to bring them back. This can make you angry and confused.

Depression – it’s common to feel very sad when someone dies.

Tiredness – problems sleeping or loss of appetite.

All of these feelings are normal and understandable – most of them are unavoidable. Go easy on yourself and allow yourself the time to grieve.

How long does grief last?

You’ll never forget the person who has died, and you might always feel sad when you think of them. But as time goes on you may remember things about them that make you happy. Things will definitely get easier.

The first year is the hardest for most people, but there’s no right or wrong length of time to grieve. You may feel better quickly – if this is the case, it doesn’t mean you loved them any less. You shouldn’t feel guilty for continuing to live your life.

Getting over grief might seem impossible at first, but it just takes time. It’s not easy, but people do cope with grief and become happy again once they’ve worked through it.

Finally, at some point you will move to a position of acceptance whereby you realise that life must go on. Whilst you may still think about the person or object that you have lost, these thoughts may become less intense and less frequent, allowing you to regain your energy and motivation.

However, reaching this final stage can take considerable time, and is a process that cannot be hurried. Talking about your feelings and the person you’ve lost with friend and family is usually a big help.  If you feel you’re stuck grieving longer than you’d like to be – or that it’s taking over your life – get some support. Couple counselling Maidstone can help you through the grieving process, by helping you to deal with painful emotions, accept loss, make the relevant adjustments and develop productive and individualised coping mechanisms.

If you would like to talk to one of our relationship therapists at couple counselling Maidstone then please contact us via Relationship Counselling Kent today.

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