People often contact Relationship Counselling Kent following a relationship break up. That’s because a romantic breakup can be one of the most traumatic experiences a person can go through. With the feelings often described or likened to as the stages of grief. It’s astonishing to think that nearly every one of us will experience a break up at some point during our lives.
The word ‘breakup’ tends to trigger depressing images in our minds. Such as crying into a beer or eating pots of ice cream with friends telling us ‘you will get over it’ and ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’. Regardless of the type of reaction we may have it’s almost impossible to refrain from your mind being completely preoccupied with the traumatic event.
One of our couple counsellors at Relationship Counselling Kent offers some tips on how to truly get over a relationship break up.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of a relationship, but there are some things you can do to ease the transition from sadness to acceptance.
Feel the feelings
Painful feelings can be scary, and no one wants to put themselves through feeling emotions that cause pain and sadness. Therefore, it might seem much easier to just sweep them under the carpet and tell everyone “I’m fine”. But what’s crucial to growth is the decision to allow yourself to feel these emotions as they come, instead of relying on distractions and unhealthy coping mechanisms to keep your true feelings at bay.
It takes courage to just sit and feel our emotions, as uncomfortable as this can be. All feelings are valid, but when we use distraction techniques, as a coping mechanism, we are choosing to invalidate them by refusing to feel them. As a result, we postpone moving forward and our recovery.
Experiencing raw emotions can be overwhelming at first, but with time and practice, becoming mindful about our thoughts and feelings can provide great clarity.
Seek professional help
Some people decide that in order to achieve clarity some professional guidance might be needed. And there is nothing wrong about seeking help. The emotional damage caused by breaking up can be traumatic.
One therapy session will not of course ‘cure’ a broken heart, but it will provide is the needle and thread to eventually help you sew yourself back together. Talking about your feelings and emotions with a therapist will help you make sense of any irrational thoughts and intense emotions. With self-awareness and insight, you will gain a more rational view on the whole relationship and the road to recovery will become clearer and more straightforward.
Look after you
At the end of the day, the only person we will be with for the rest of our lives is ourselves. Therefore, we deserve to make ourselves as happy as we possibly can be.
So, whilst reflecting upon the relationship is key for the road of recovery, another important aspect includes putting our aspirations first in order to reclaim our self-identity. By nurturing our individual ambitions, which might have been neglected during the relationship can provide even more motivation to recover.
Once this self-identity has been reclaimed, we can start to mend the holes in our hearts, knowing that we are complete as individuals without the relationship to define us.
If you would like some professional help in getting over a relationship break up then contact us a Relationship Counselling Kent today. Request an appointment