--- title: "Relationship Counselling Medway | Relationship Patterns | Couple Therapy" description: "relationship counselling Medway we understand that, in an ideal world, we would all be born with perfectly attuned parents. They would love us, be there for our every need, but also give us just the right amount of space to become independent an" lang: en-GB json-ld: | [ { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "FAQPage", "mainEntity": [ { "@type": "Question", "name": "How much does couples counselling cost in Kent?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Couples counselling is £80 for a 60-minute session. Individual relationship counselling is £68 for a 60-minute session. Online and face-to-face sessions cost the same." } }, { "@type": "Question", "name": "How long is each session?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Every session is a full 60 minutes." } }, { "@type": "Question", "name": "Do we need to commit to a set number of sessions?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "No. The number and frequency of sessions vary. Some couples attend for a small number of focused sessions, while others choose longer-term support. Sessions are booked individually with no obligation to continue." } }, { "@type": "Question", "name": "Is online couples counselling as effective as face to face?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Research suggests that online psychological and relationship therapy can be effective for many people. Suitability and outcomes depend on the couple, their circumstances, the therapeutic approach and the nature of the difficulties being addressed. Some situations, including active domestic abuse, acute risk or severe untreated mental illness, may require specialist or in-person support." } }, { "@type": "Question", "name": "What if only one partner can attend?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "That is fine. One-to-one relationship counselling is available at £68 per session. Where a therapist offers an individual session alongside couples work, the arrangements — including confidentiality between partners and the applicable fee — are agreed with the therapist before the session." } }, { "@type": "Question", "name": "Can we cancel or reschedule?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Yes, free of charge with at least 24 hours' notice. Inside 24 hours the fee is charged in full because the slot has been reserved for you." } } ] }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "LocalBusiness", "@id": "https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/#organization", "name": "Relationship Counselling Kent", "url": "https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk", "description": "Accredited relationship and couples counselling across Kent — online UK-wide and face to face at rooms across the county.", "areaServed": [ { "@type": "AdministrativeArea", "name": "Kent, United Kingdom" }, { "@type": "Country", "name": "United Kingdom" } ], "priceRange": "££" }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "Article", "headline": "Relationship Counselling Medway | Relationship Patterns | Couple Therapy", "description": "relationship counselling Medway we understand that, in an ideal world, we would all be born with perfectly attuned parents. They would love us, be there for our every need, but also give us just the right amount of space to become independent an", "image": "https://rxvhnvwmfwrneowddnji.supabase.co/storage/v1/render/image/public/blog-images/imported/relationship-counselling-medway.jpg?width=1200&resize=contain&quality=80", "datePublished": "2016-07-19T09:41:11+00:00", "dateModified": "2026-05-04T16:57:23.331202+00:00", "author": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Relationship Counselling Kent" }, "publisher": { "@type": "Organization", "name": "Relationship Counselling Kent", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/logo.png" } }, "mainEntityOfPage": { "@type": "WebPage", "@id": "https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/blog/relationship-counselling-medway" } }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Blog", "item": "https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/blog" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Relationship Counselling Medway | Relationship Patterns | Couple Therapy", "item": "https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/blog/relationship-counselling-medway" } ] }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Blog", "item": "https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/blog" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Relationship Counselling Medway | Relationship Patterns | Couple Therapy" } ] } ] --- [![Relationship Counselling Kent](/assets/logo-CYGB2Hyi.webp)](/) - [Home](/) - [What To Expect](/what-to-expect) - We Can Help With - [Our Therapists](/therapists) [Locations](/locations)- [Blog](/blog) - [Fees](/fees) - [FAQ](/faq) - [Reviews](/reviews) - [Contact](/contact) [Login](/auth)[Book Your Session](/find-your-therapist) 5.0 Rated Highly Qualified & Experienced Therapists Sessions Available Mon–Sun 8am–9pm [hello@relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk ](mailto:hello@relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk)[Call us: 01233 438 212 ](tel:+441233438212)[Book Now](/find-your-therapist) 1. [Home](/) - [Blog](/blog) - Relationship Counselling Medway | Relationship Patterns | Couple Therapy [Back to Blog](/blog) # Relationship Counselling Medway | Relationship Patterns | Couple Therapy July 19, 2016 ![Relationship Counselling Medway | Relationship Patterns | Couple Therapy](https://rxvhnvwmfwrneowddnji.supabase.co/storage/v1/render/image/public/blog-images/imported/relationship-counselling-medway.jpg?width=1200&resize=contain&quality=80) ## Relationship patterns At [relationship counselling Medway](https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/blog/couple-counselling-medway) we understand that, in an ideal world, we would all be born with perfectly attuned parents. They would love us, be there for our every need, but also give us just the right amount of space to become independent and flourish. All our parents would provide a solid base from which we could venture out as separate individuals because we would feel safe and secure. However, the reality is very different for many people. Because the relationships with our early caregivers are complex and likely include some frustration and pain. Whether we grew up with a secure or insecure attachment pattern, one thing is certain, our present relationships are heavily influenced by our earliest attachments. ## Our early relationships In our early lives, an “internal working model” is created for how we view relationships throughout our lives. In other words, our past relationships affect everything from who we choose as a partner. How we are likely to interact with them and what behaviour we will illicit from them. Our early relationships provide a template for how relationships go; can I depend on others? Will they sooth me when I need it? Will they see me for who I really am? How we adapted to our early relationships, the defences we formed, shape how we will behave toward romantic partners. For example, do you believe you are better off not depending on others and taking care of yourself? Or do you believe the opposite, that you “need” to get your significant other to take care of you so you are therefore preoccupied by getting their attention?  Are you trapped on the one hand and afraid to get close to anyone? Whilst on the  other, terrified of [being alone](https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/blog/marriage-counselling-tonbridge-relationship-counselling-tonbridge-couple-counselling-tonbridge)? ## Relationship attachment styles In many ways the [attachment style](https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/blog/attachment-styles-adult-relationships) we formed early on impacts how we behave in relationships and how we expect others to behave. If we’re wondering why certain dynamics keep playing out in our relationships. Or certain patterns keep developing then it’s important to consider the working models we’re bringing to the table. The early attachment styles we experienced shape these internal working models. For example, many people grow up with an ‘avoidant attachment’ to a parent. They may not have felt they could get their needs easily met by a parent so therefore adapted to become more self-contained and self-sufficient. As adults, they carry this model with them. They may not think people will be there for them, so they rely on themselves and resist trusting or getting too close. On the other hand, many people grow up with an ‘ambivalent’ attachment style. This means they may have felt they had to cling to their parent or caretaker in order to have their needs met. Their parent may have been available and in tune some of the time. Then all of a sudden become  neglectful or rejecting. These parents may also have been emotionally hungry at times, attempting to get their own needs met by their child. As a result, these people may grow up feeling desperate, insecure and clingy toward a romantic partner. [Find a qualified therapist and book your first session](https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/find-your-therapist) whenever you feel ready. ## Attachment styles and romantic relationships [Relationship counselling Medway](https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/blog/couple-counselling-medway) can help you understand how our working models affect the way we see the world. We often perceive people as reflections of our past, assuming they will think and behave in certain patterns. We may also unconsciously choose partners who fit these patterns – whose own attachment styles mesh with ours. If we grew up feeling ignored for example, we may find ourselves in relationships with people who are unavailable, cold or rejecting. If we felt controlled by our parents as a child, we may choose people who are controlling, jealous or demanding. When two people come together, they both have their own working models that affect each other. Both partners may engage in behaviours that push or provoke each other to play the other half of these old, familiar dynamics. As couples play out their side of the model, their relationships start to look more and more like those of their past. This reinforces each partner’s working model, confirming what they already believe about love and relationships. ## Are we able to change our internal models? The good news is, we are not doomed to repeat the patterns of our past. [Relationship counselling Medway can help](https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/blog/is-relationship-counselling-a-good-idea) you understand how we can change our model. Firstly, we have to identify it, so we can challenge it. Our expectations and ideas about relationships are formed from our early experiences. Thefore, it’s necessary to make sense of those experiences in order to create healthier relationships in the present. Allowing our past to consume us emotionally doesn’t work. Although neither does burying the past and pretending  it doesn’t affect us. What does work is creating a ‘coherent narrative’. This means we make sense of our lives by integrating new information with what we already know,  so we can heal and move on. Difficult experiences early in life become less important when we find a way to make sense of how they have affected us. Making sense is a source of strength and resilience. Making sense of your childhood experiences, especially your relationship with your parents, can transform your attachment models towards inner security. ## Further relationship help If you would like some help from relationship counselling Medway or any of our other relationship counselling practices. Please contact us at [Relationship Counselling Kent](https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/blog/relationship-counselling-kent-strengthen-your-partnership) today**. Request an appointment** Ready to talk about relationship counselling medway | relationship patterns | couple therapy? Browse qualified, vetted therapists, see real-time availability, and book your first session in minutes — online or in-person. [Find your therapist →](https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/find-your-therapist) No waiting lists · BACP & UKCP registered therapists · Confidential Share: [](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Frelationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk%2Fblog%2Frelationship-counselling-medway&text=Relationship%20Counselling%20Medway%20%7C%20Relationship%20Patterns%20%7C%20Couple%20Therapy)[](https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Frelationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk%2Fblog%2Frelationship-counselling-medway)[](https://www.linkedin.com/shareArticle?mini=true&url=https%3A%2F%2Frelationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk%2Fblog%2Frelationship-counselling-medway&title=Relationship%20Counselling%20Medway%20%7C%20Relationship%20Patterns%20%7C%20Couple%20Therapy) ## More Articles ![Hands holding an antique clock with a question mark face over an old book.](https://rxvhnvwmfwrneowddnji.supabase.co/storage/v1/render/image/public/blog-images/what-to-discuss-before-marriage-9luqk4.png?width=1200&resize=contain&quality=80) September 1, 2026 [ ### More Than Jitters? 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[Read Article](/blog/support-for-ending-a-relationship) ![Rustic wooden signpost with icons beside a winding road through green, hilly countryside.](https://rxvhnvwmfwrneowddnji.supabase.co/storage/v1/render/image/public/blog-images/finding-the-right-relationship-help-oej1i6.png?width=1200&resize=contain&quality=80) August 24, 2026 [ ### How Do You Choose? A Guide to Finding the Right Relationship Help in Kent ](/blog/finding-the-right-relationship-help) That late-night search for 'relationship help' can feel bewildering. With so many terms and types of support, how do you know what’s right for you? This guide helps you cut through the confusion and find effective support for your relationship in Kent. [Read Article](/blog/finding-the-right-relationship-help) [![Relationship Counselling Kent](/assets/logo-CYGB2Hyi.webp)](/) Professional relationship counselling services in Kent. 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